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A Quick Game
While I run around like crazy today and tomorrow....getting ready for the big not quite as big as I would have liked reveal; I want to take a quick poll.
I had two incidences that could be taken either way...so I'm asking you
Offensive or Not Offensive?
1. Rod came back to hang the television in my bedroom. He was examining all the detail work that I did when I trimmed out his Ikea hack cabinets. If you recall, I added wood to the back, put on a chair rail, added a small crown at the top, etc. He kept saying that I did a great job, he loved it, and he could not believe that a "woman" did this.
2. On a trip to a local hardware store, I was going up and down isles searching for MDF boards. I stopped and asked an employee who was hard at work stocking the shelves... I told him I wanted a 1 x 6, when in actuality I wanted an 11/16 x 6....my bad. He told me the next isle. I knew it was not there because I just left that isle. When I explained it again, he said "that's not a 1 x 6", and pointed me in the right direction. I thanked him, and while I was walking away....he said, "anytime baby".
My reply to the second one....It's been years since anyone called me "Baby"!
So, what do you think? Do you find any of this offensive? What comments have you heard that could go either way?
23 comments:
You are so right Linda these comments can be taken either way. I used to take offense then lately.i have changed my view and mentally give myself a pat on the back and feel sorry for their ignorance!!
Linda, I find the first comment only slightly offensive. People say stupid things. Years ago I needed a new motherboard for my computer and asked the bonehead at Best Buy about it and his reply, Do you know what he wants? Your husband that is."
It totally flustered me. I just stuttered and used the word "thingy" instead of telling him that it was the second one I had fried in a week and this was old hat to me.
What did you say to your contractor?
Oh gross. I dont mind the first one - I feel like most men who work with their hands don't think women "get it". They are still just knuckle-draggin cavemen sometimes :)
But the second one - totally inappropriate. Especially since it was in a store. No way - if I was in a pissy mood, I'd probably have fired back at him (after my ego calmed down).
It would totally depend on my mood at the time. The first one, I would probably roll my eyes and think 'typical'. The second one, might just put a smile on my face...or make me want to punch him. Boy, I sure am moody! :)
I find the first one quite offensive and the second one, although inappropriate might be a compliment, perhaps? :)
Jessie
www.mixandchic.com
Comment 1, I would find offensive because it is coming from someone who knows you. Comment 2, happens anywhere and it can be seen as an inappropriate compliment of sorts, if that makes any sense, or just downright inappropriate. But somehow I am not surprised, sad to say.
I used to be much more easily offended. Now, I guess with some age, I just laugh at it all. I think I would take the first comment as a compliment. In his mind, women just don't do work like that and your work was high quality. His brain was probably reeling from the shock. And the second thing I'd think was just funny.
Take the "anytime baby"...be offended by the "woman did this" comment...although both should make you smile at the end of the day!
Totally understand both comments. When I bought my first 18 volt drill, the check out guy said, "A little early for a father's day gift, but your husband will love it."
When I bought a Festool containment system and a series of sanders from a boutique type tool place and I told them they were for me and knock the "little woman" comments off, I got a discount!
Both are offensive.
I used to be amused by these types of comments and sometimes even flattered. Not anymore.
These comments are really a reflection of a lack of education, or a lack of exposure to powerful capable women.... so in a sense, it is not the fault of these men... BUT, The men that used to insult me, are the fathers of the men that are insulting you, and their sons will insult your daughters. When you think of it that way things look a little different.
Also some men are just stupid.
I am so sorry to say it, but after years of being the only woman in a conference room I am shocked by men's behavior. I guess it also has something to do with men's hormonal need for one upmanship. Even if a women is uneducated, or not so smart, she usually wants to connect to others, while men usually need to one up everyone else.
A lot of discussion has been made in the past saying women are diffcult to work with because they can be b*!###! or catty ..but the worst behavior I have ever seen is from macho male executives ... just scary stuff made worst by their ability to seem so smooth on the surface.
Any man who dehumanizes women on ANY level are part of the problem . I could list behavior from men in every job I have had, over 30 years, that was dehumanizing to women. Sad, yes, but dangerous to our daughters.
AND no, the man in my life is not perfect, and yes he is macho too, but thank God he is smart and has learned to love and be amazed my strengths. I love his strengths too.
I would have complained to the store manager about the baby comment. I would have complained politely , but still complained
Ha! Yeah it could go either way. But You know (and we know) you rock in the DIY department so taking it as a compliment is the way to go...he was impressed and so should he be!! The "baby" thing is a bit sketchy since you were in a place of business but I wouldn't be offended...I'd probably tell the mister he better step it up at home since the guys at the lumber yard are staring to take notice :)
Oh I wouldn't take offense....the first guy is impressed...take the compliment. ANd the second guy probably doesn't know any better....and thought you were cute! Sounds like this Room challenge is an adventure.
I think I would take both comments as offesive. But I think I would go easy on the first guy because it seemed like his clumsy way of paying a compliment. My husband calls me "baby," but I wouldn't take it from a complete stranger in a hardware store, seems derogatory.
Can't wait to see your room on Wed!
Glass half full or half empty... depends on if you are pouring or drinking.... think about it. To take offense to ignorance is to lay down with dogs. You will get up with fleas.(I know most of you have flea-less dogs, it is just an expression.) A chance to enlighten would be the positive response.
That was my grown up response.... I have been to anger management therapy, there was an incident at work several years back..... Seriously, I would have beat their arses... kidding.... sorta'...... It offends me that we are still fighting the proverbial I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in pan thing. They do not know better, bless their pointed little heads.
So excited about Wednesday! It will rocks & be oh so faboo!
I have to say, I'm getting more and more tired of having to consider how I speak and dress in order to be respected (or at least not talked down to) in hardware stores. Tim and I often go together, and when I ask a question the employees direct their answer to Tim! Tim is great (obvs I love him), but I'm the project manager in this household, and yes I'm also a woman. Please direct the answer to my question to me.
Shopping for paint and home organization is always fine, but go looking for tools, lumber, or hardware and get ready! Something I've learned: avoid the older employees. In my experience, young guys tend to be less unintentionally sexist. And while I try not to be inflammatory, I do try to redirect or correct even unintentionally sexist comments.
If someone says unintentionally racist things it's still unacceptable. Why isn't sexism treated the same way?
"The men that used to insult me, are the fathers of the men that are insulting you, and their sons will insult your daughters." Agreed!!
I try really hard to not be offended by dumb statements like this. I think, like the others have said, the first guy was probably impressed and totally unaccustomed to seeing work done by women. The second guy is definitely teetering on the edge. It's hard to imagine how he gets away with that at work but to be honest, it's not the worst thing someone has called me:)
First was not offensive to me at all - I think it was complimentary. Guys have a weird way of complimenting us ladies( and I'm sure you know what I mean when you get all glammed up and all they can say is " you look nice")! The second one, ugh, poor guy who probably thoug he was giving you a compliment in his own "tasteless" level, but again, to us it is quite offensive. Either way, it still means they think your cool and hot, which i think, reading between the lines of the these 2 dudes, is what they really want to say. :-)
Totally creepy- I hate it when people at Home Depot dont think I know what I'm doing. I want to look at them and be like PULLEASE I prob. know more than you do hahhaha.
Ahhhhh, I have to get my pictures all ready for tomorrow- I am so screwed right now. I of course am not 100% done, but what can you do about delayed orders in the mail :(
First comment not offensive, seriously lots of girls can't do trim work, I totally can't! Second comment is questionable but if I look at it as a glass half full thing I'd think, at least it wasn't ma'm! and consider the source it was coming from!
I am older than most, if not all, of your other followers, and now retired, so my perspective may be different. However, I worked for many years as an attorney, and then a judge, at a time when these professions were mainly held by men. Over the years, I developed a personal rule that has served me well; namely, to resolve all ambiguities in my favor. I never take offense unless I am positive that the person intended to offend or insult me. If the comment can be taken either way, I assume it was meant in a positive light. It does a woman no good to be offended by the innocent, albeit ignorant, comments of people (usually men), who are less evolved than she is about a woman's place and abilities in today's world. Thus, I would not take offense at either remark, and accept them in the kindly spirit with which they clearly were offered.
When I was younger i would have said that was very offensive - that it objectifies women. But now that I am almost 40 I think I have mellowed out. He didn't mean it in an offensive way, probably just a reflex to say it and just roll with it. I usually just roll my eyes and keep going.
I totally agree with Ann. I'm rarely offended in these situations. I know who I am and tend to give men the benefit of the doubt. If someone did say something offensive I would probably chalk it up to their ignorance. If it were someone I knew personally, I might share with them how their comment might be seen as offensive.
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